I’ve been living overseas for more than 15 years. I had just gotten married when I left New York and moved to Singapore, so I never had the experience of dating outside the US. But over the years, I’ve seen it go both ways: Some single expat friends have found love, while others have moved back home, finding it too hard to date abroad. One woman in my network even went back to New York, found a man, and moved back to Asia with him after tying the knot.
After spending over a year editing stories for Business Insider about different women’s experiences — from a single mom in Spain who makes it a point to avoid single dads, to a teacher in China who relies heavily on the support of her therapist when looking for Mr. Right — I’ve compiled a list of dating advice.
One common thing most of them have told me is that they have no interest in returning home.
1. There can be benefits to dates gone wrong
People are usually looking for more than love when moving to a new city; they also need friends.
Sonya Matejko moved from the US to Vienna in 2022 at 31. She found that dating can be a great way to explore a new city. “I learned quickly that dating a local was the best way to discover the best parts of a town and find its little hidden gems,” she said.
Matejko also credits dating with helping her make friends.
“We realized on the date that we weren’t a fit romantically, but he’s still one of my closest friends. And this is not the only time this has happened — a guy I dated in Poland also turned into a dear friend, and I’ve even gone to stay with him in Brussels to celebrate his getting a new job,” she said.
2. Long distance can only last so long
Dena Roché’s first long-distance relationship lasted for three years and, at first, felt like a fairy tale. They would meet up in cities like Rome, London, and Paris and spend extended time in each of their hometowns, but she said it never felt real.
“While we did spend time in each other’s world, it still had that vacation-like quality. We had to maximize the little time we had with each other, we couldn’t be bothered with the mundane tasks that make up a life,” she said.
Luckily for Roché, the second time she met someone living far away, she was able to get him to relocate.
3. Plan a dating event
Candice Gallagher had faced challenges with dating in the US, England, and Switzerland, but she found it to be the most difficult when she moved to Singapore in 2019.
“I found there was a very small pool of people who fit into the same cultural space I operated in. It was like I was trying to go fishing in a very small pond,” she said about her experience.
When she came across a video on TikTok of a group in the US who had set up a dating event, she felt inspired to do the same in Singapore.
“I ended up hosting a dating event called ‘Singlepore.’ It was pretty amazing. It reflects a desire for offline, real-world ways to connect with people,” she said.
4. Find a therapist for emotional support
Danielle Marcano was bored with her life in Philadelphia and applied for a job in northern China. She made the move overseas in 2019 at 25, and although she was satisfied with her career progression, she found dating to be the most challenging part of her new life overseas.
Language barriers made it hard for her to date local Chinese men, and she said the majority of the single expats she’s encountered had little interest in anything serious.
Despite struggling through heartbreak and self-doubt, she’s determined to stick with it: “I’m confident that the support system I’ve built here — my therapist, friends, and life coaches — will help me build the confidence I need to return to the dating scene.” Weekly online therapy has become a staple.
5. Don’t expect dating to work the same way it did at home
Cultural expectations differ when it comes to dating, so it’s helpful to get some local insight.
On top of that, personality can get lost in translation.
Nicola Prentis, a single expat, moved to Spain in 2012. Over the years, she has tried dating in Spanish but has found that she never feels like herself.
“I’ve come to prefer people who speak English and don’t make fun of my Spanish, just so they get to know the real me and not this version of me who’s sometimes bolshy, sometimes overly agreeable, and often inattentive. After all, I wouldn’t date me in Spanish,” she wrote.
Who pays on first dates can also cause confusion. In the US, dating is typically casual, and in heterosexual relationships, it’s long been the norm for men to pick up the tab.
One woman who was single when she moved to Spain was surprised to find that most of the local men she went on dates with expected to split the dinner bill.
When local friends told her that was a common practice, she realized there was no need to get offended — or assume the man had no potential for her.
Read the full article here
