In 2010, Bravo aired “Bethenny Getting Married,” a one-season reality show documenting Bethenny Frankel’s relationship with pharmaceutical sales executive Jason Hoppy.
The marriage lasted two years, and the couple had one child, Bryn Hoppy. The divorce took nearly a decade, finalizing in 2021 after Frankel filed for divorce in 2013.
“It was a brutal, brutal experience,” Frankel, 53, told Business Insider. “I thought I would never survive it.”
While Frankel shares practical divorce tips on the show, she also emphasizes the importance of spotting red flags early on.
“You can’t marry someone that you wouldn’t want to be divorced from,” Frankel told BI. “The red flags that you see in dating will become fire engine-red flags when you’re getting divorced.” She said people can get “vengeful” throughout the process, especially when navigating custody battles.
Frankel shared some of her biggest dating red flags to watch out for early on in a relationship.
Charm is disarming
Frankel told BI that “charming” men should set off alarm bells.
She spoke more about the red flag in her series, stating that her life coach told her to run if charm is someone’s primary personality trait.
“You don’t own charm, charm owns you,” she quoted the coach. Excessive charm is associated with narcissists and dark empaths, who use it to manipulate the people around them, according to therapists.
Lois M. Brenner, a divorce lawyer in New York, previously told Business Insider that she’s had many clients say they were love-bombed and had “no idea who this person was” when they married them because of how charming they were at first.
You don’t want the 6’5″ trust fund guy
In April, TikToker Megan Boni shared a sound bite designed to be remixed: “I’m looking for a man in finance, trust fund, 6’5″, blue eyes.” It went viral, with David Guetta releasing his own version of the song.
While the song is a joke, Frankel still warned against going after trust fund guys in particular.
“You don’t want a trust fund guy because of the way that they’re going to ultimately treat you and discard you,” she told BI. She believes that they will get bored and toss you aside because “they’re insecure and they’ve been given everything.”
Men can still be boys
Immaturity is another quality Frankel said to stay away from, because it can indicate how a partner handles disagreement.
She stressed the importance of being with someone who’s emotionally mature. “You don’t want to date boys, you want to date men,” she told BI, adding that physical age means nothing. “A 65-year-old man could be a boy. A 25-year-old boy could be a man.”
On TikTok, Frankel advised viewers to put men they’re dating “through a strainer” and be really discerning. “If it’s giving boy, it’s giving ‘bye,'” she said.
A weak ‘yes’ is a hard ‘no’
Frankel said “cracks become craters” once you’re married, so it’s important to listen to your reservations.
“If you don’t have a resounding, emphatic ‘yes,’ the answer is ‘no,'” she told BI.
She added that someone’s fears and expectations might make them feel obligated to go through with a marriage, such as their parents liking the person or feeling like they need to hit a certain milestone by a certain age. But none of that means you’re ready to marry the person, and the consequences can be dire.
“You have to make smart decisions, and hopefully other people can learn from so many of my mistakes,” Frankel said.
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