This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Andrea Mac, a growth strategist at Prequal from the Greater Chicago area. It’s been edited for length and clarity.
For the last seven years I’ve built a business that made just under $550,000 in 2023. I’m projecting that I’ll make seven figures in 2024.
Despite this income, my husband and I have not agreed to — nor do we plan to — pay for the college tuition of our oldest daughter, a sophomore at the University of Iowa.
Stating that feels vulnerable and unpopular because, within our network, this is an uncommon or less commonly talked-about choice. But we didn’t make this decision lightly, and we considered many factors.
Seven key considerations went into our decision.
1. Fostering autonomy and independence in our children.
When everything — including school choice, scholarships, performance, and even access to grades — is dictated or overseen by parents, students can become passive participants in their education. By not paying for college, we want our children to own their academic journey fully. This means they’ll need to make crucial decisions, seek scholarships, and manage their finances, which will help them truly understand the value of their education.
To be fair, we’ve decided that we, as parents, don’t get to choose which college our children attend. If they spent our money on tuition, we’d need a say in that decision. Instead, we’ve told our college-age daughter: you can choose to attend a college that costs $5,000 or $100,000 a year, but we’re not writing a blank check.
2. Making sure they understand the privilege of attending college
My husband and I feel that pursuing a college degree is not a rite of passage but a choice and commitment to higher education.
As a young adult transitioning from high school, it’s the perfect opportunity to evaluate the opportunity cost critically, investment of both time and money, and projected return on investment from such a commitment.
If they choose college, this sense of ownership can drive them to perform better and take their studies more seriously. Knowing they’ve worked hard to contribute to their education can instill pride and accomplishment.
3. Keeping our financial future secure
We’ve worked very hard to achieve economic mobility and to live in a neighborhood that offers the best educational opportunities we can afford. I’ve worked, and continue to work, diligently to provide for our family of six.
Committing about $800,000 — an average of $200,000 per child for a four-year university degree — could jeopardize our future financial security. We prioritize living within our means, and paying for college for four children would stretch our finances beyond what we’re willing to risk.
For example, investing $200,000 over four years into scaling my consultancy firm could produce more revenue and provide more significant long-term benefits for our family. Likewise, with an average annual return for stock market investments at about 10%, that same $200,000 could yield almost an additional $100,000 in return over that same four-year time period.
4. Living within our means
Financial prudence is a core value for us. We’re not willing to take on debt to pay for college. We believe in financial stability and the importance of living within our means.
This decision aligns with our commitment to avoid debt and maintain a healthy financial position, which benefits our entire family.
5. Considering the Return on Investment
Education is an investment, and we consider the potential return like any investment. With rising tuition costs, my husband and I think it’s essential to evaluate whether the outcomes in terms of ROI justify the financial outlay for college.
We question the value of investing such a significant amount of money into a college education, especially when there are alternative paths to success that don’t involve incurring massive debt.
6. Maintaining equality between siblings
We have four children aged 5 to 19, and we care about equality among siblings. Committing to paying for one child’s college education means we must do the same for all of them to maintain fairness.
This long-term financial commitment could span many years, potentially affecting our ability to support our younger children in other meaningful ways. We want to ensure our financial decisions don’t create inequality among our children.
7. Avoid fostering a sense of entitlement in our children
By making them responsible for their college expenses, we hope to instill a strong work ethic and a sense of responsibility in our kids. We also hope our choice will help them understand the value of hard work and the importance of making prudent financial decisions.
We’re encouraging our children to take responsibility for their education and financial choices
Our children must evaluate cost-effective options, seek scholarships, and consider alternative education paths like community college, vocational training, or starting their careers earlier. This approach teaches them to be pragmatic and resourceful, skills that will serve them well throughout their lives.
Evaluating whether to pay for our kids’ college tuition was a challenging decision, but it’s rooted in our desire to foster autonomy, responsibility, and financial prudence.
Ultimately, by empowering our children to take charge of their education and finances, we feel we’re helping to set them up for a lifetime of independence, responsibility, and success.
If you are teaching your children a unique financial lesson and would like to share your story, email Manseen Logan at mlogan@businessinsider.com.
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