I’m an American who’s lived in Germany for 14 years. I’m mostly satisfied, but life here hasn’t been perfect.

• I moved from the US to Germany 14 years ago and am now raising a kid here. 
• I get a lot of questions about my ethnicity in Germany and struggle with the language.
• Still, I love living so close to many European cities and have met great people here. 

Since moving to Germany in 2010 for love, I’ve been mostly satisfied. My German partner and I have been raising a child here, and our quality of life and affordable healthcare have been especially great.

However, the road to finding my own joy in this country has been a bit bumpy. In a 2023 InterNations survey of over 12,000 expats, Germany was voted one of the countries expats hate to live in the most.

Although I certainly don’t hate living here, I must admit it’s not always perfect.

While living here, I’ve been questioned about my ethnic background many times

Though I was born and raised in the United States, my mother is Filipina, and my father is American. Because of my mixed-Asian appearance, I’ve received many questions and comments I’d rather not deal with.

When asked where I’m from, saying I’m American” doesn’t suffice. Almost immediately after, the follow-up question comes: “But where are your parents from?”

This “dance” of questions has been a topic of national discourse, especially for Germans who are not perceived as “German.” Here, I don’t fit into many people’s image of a stereotypical American.

After years of enduring this, I now just say that I’m Asian American.

During these interactions, I miss the idea that anyone can be American without questioning it. In the US, I was rarely asked about my ethnic background except on official documents.

Speaking German can be difficult even after living here all these years

The complex German language is another humbling aspect of everyday living here. Nouns have three grammatical genders, and adjective declensions are challenging.

It’s frustrating that a sentence can go on and on until the verb comes at the end — it’s literally an exercise in hanging onto every word in a conversation. Try doing that at a party with loud music.

Sadly, I’m also still stuck in my native English head, which doesn’t delineate between a formal and informal “you,” either. It’s hard to know when to use formal “sie” or informal “du.”

In cafés, most young people exchange the informal. In office environments or with older adults, it’s safer to use the formal. I’ve bounced between both so many times with my doctors and kid’s teachers that it’s cringeworthy.

As a non-native speaker, I usually get a free pass — if I mess up the formal and informal, it’s acceptable. Just don’t tell anyone how long I’ve lived here.

Even so, I think Germany is a pretty decent place to live

Though I miss the comforts of my hometowns of Los Angeles and New York, my family and friends have made living here a bit lighter.

My writing group alone has been a therapeutic salve: We’ve bonded over stories of cold customer-service interactions (I can barely get anyone to acknowledge my existence in a clothing store) and linguistic gaffes.

More importantly, I’ve encountered genuineness. Friendships here run deep — asking someone, “How are you?” feels like a sober gesture of checking in that can lead to longer conversations. I’ve found strangers tend to look out for each other here, too.

Thanks to Germany’s central location, I’ve also seen some incredible corners of Europe. We’re three hours by train from Amsterdam, three and a half hours by train from Paris, and four hours by train from London.

Despite all the mistakes, misunderstandings, and episodes of embarrassment, I can honestly say that I’m grateful for everything living in Germany has brought me.

This story was originally published on June 14, 2024, and most recently updated on November 5, 2024.