It can cost a lot to be a bridesmaid. Some Gen Z and millennials are OK with saying no.

Being a bridesmaid may be a fraction of the cost of weddings, but it still ends up being in the thousands of dollars for many — and some Gen Z and millennials have had enough.

A number of women have been documenting their bridesmaid costs on social media and some have started talking about how it can be OK to say no to being a bridesmaid.

It seems that the traditionally coveted role of bridesmaid may be becoming more of a burden than an honor for some. BI spoke with a number of bridesmaids, brides, and wedding planners to understand the shift in perspective.

The financial strain is too high

27-year-old Afrakomah Darko told BI she’s spent the last three years being a bridesmaid for her friends and the last wedding cost her upward of $12,000 in related expenses. The bride spent her fair share on the bridesmaids as well, Darko said, gifting them Dior slippers.

Still, the collective wedding expenses prompted her to post a video on TikTok declaring she would no longer be accepting bridesmaid invitations.

“Lately, I’ve been more financially conscious because it’s just really hard right now,” Darko told BI. “I know a lot of friends who have lost their jobs.”

While inflation plays a big role in these rising costs and some bridesmaids’ responses, social media may also be influencing people’s expectations of weddings.

As celebrity and influencer weddings turn into full-blown social media events, couples are also comparing themselves to an “unrealistic” standard that is “way outside” their budget, Zola’s Cullman said.

Zola’s 2024 survey revealed that 92% Gen Z-ers say social media is an essential part of the wedding planning process.

“Back in the day you had wedding magazines and binders — now you have multiple social platforms that are always at your fingertips,” Cullman said.

Brides are asking too much

Some Gen Z also seem to have a problem with excessive work, and being a bridesmaid can require a big personal time commitment.

Cullman said that, on average, wedding party members attend six or seven events for the couple. Some of the bridesmaids could also be asked to host a wedding shower or plan the bachelorette party, which could add responsibility to the time commitment.

Meredith Bartel, a 30-year-old wedding planner, said some of these responsibilities may require taking off work, traveling to different states, attending fittings, stuffing envelopes, and sampling food for the wedding.

27-year-old Stephanie Greenstreet lives in the UK and recently served as her sister’s maid of honor. The experience made her realize how much of a time commitment it was in addition to the financial cost. While she said she was more than willing to do it for her sister, she said she can see how it’s easy to lose sight of personal boundaries in the process.

Brides may have to adjust their expectations

Bartel said she’s seeing a growing number of women create job descriptions laying out the financial costs and social obligations for their bridesmaids when asking if they’ll accept.

Greenstreet said her sister proposed to her bridesmaids with a sheet of all of the costs and responsibilities. She also had individual conversations with every bridesmaid to make sure they were comfortable with the responsibilities and costs.

Other brides are taking on some of the costs themselves. Cullman said typically the couple pays for something they’ve required, like hair and makeup, instead of a wedding party gift.

“I think that we’re finally kind of seeing that shift where people are saying, ‘No I don’t know if I’m able to do that,'” Greenstreet said. “Especially when it’s not communicated properly.”