I’ve been eating dairy-free for 15 years. I didn’t expect it to affect my social life.

My intolerance for dairy happened out of the blue

The first time I remember experiencing pain was when I took a medication I needed to take with food. I decided to have it with milk and cereal, which I used to love. For the first time, it made me nauseous. I wondered if it was related to the medication, which had given me stomach pains before. But since it was rare for me to have an upset stomach, I developed an aversion to milk and never had it or took the medicine again.

Weeks later, I ate ice cream, and it also led to unbearable, pulsating pain that brought me to my knees for hours. I can now say that pain was almost as bad as labor contractions, except maybe worse, because it was nonstop. I stopped eating ice cream, too.

The next semester, I made homemade mac and cheese for a classmate, and after a couple of bites, it immediately upset my stomach. The last straw was when one of my professors bought pizza for our class. I tried to eat it, but within minutes, I was running to the bathroom.

I was never officially diagnosed, but I began to believe I was lactose intolerant, as I only experienced the unbearable pain when I consumed dairy products. John Hopkins Medicine says that symptoms, which include bloating, diarrhea, stomach cramps, and nausea, may start during the teen or adult years.

Although I loved the taste, dairy was no longer worth consuming. Ridding it from my diet proved to be a tall task, especially back then, before alternatives were so common.

It’s difficult to eat in social situations

I’ve found that restaurants, especially locally-owned ones, don’t always indicate on the menu when they’ve included cream or cheese in their meals. When I go out to eat, I have to ask a lot of questions about food preparation and ingredients. That annoys some people, so I typically stick to eating out with my husband, close family, and friends.

If I go to group gatherings, such as weddings, work functions, and parties, I will likely not be able to eat much of the food because it contains dairy. I usually have to contact the host beforehand to find out what’s on the menu and let them know I’ll need a dairy-free or vegan option.

If that’s not possible, I’ll eat whatever I can, like bread or a side, and then go out to eat afterward. For work functions, I typically don’t attend unless they’re mandatory, as they seem to center around food I can’t consume; it’s one of the reasons I prefer to work in a remote environment.

It’s also more expensive to be dairy-free. When I go out for coffee, I have to pay extra for soy, almond, or oat milk.

I’m thankful there are now more dairy-free options

My home is my safe place, where I don’t have to constantly think about avoiding dairy. Luckily, businesses such as ice cream shops and grocery stores have become way more inclusive in recent years, and it’s become easier to find non-dairy alternatives to products like milk, ice cream, and yogurts. I can enjoy Ben & Jerry’s almond-based ice cream, So Delicious’s coconut milk-based vanilla yogurt, and Silk’s organic soy milk without fear.

Research indicates that people with lactose intolerance and those who have issues with dairy can handle different amounts of lactose. That has been confusing for everyone around me. Over the years, I’ve learned that the only things with dairy that I can handle are Cheez-Its, margarine (some varieties of margarine have dairy, and some don’t), and baked goods where milk is cooked into them, such as cookies, biscuits, and pancakes.

To compensate for my lack of dairy intake, I pay attention to my calcium intake and eat foods such as broccoli, oranges, collard greens, and kale. It must be working because my calcium levels have remained normal. I also take a vitamin D supplement.

I’m grateful my husband is so accommodating. The meals I prepare do not include dairy, but if my husband wants some, he’ll add it to his. He typically orders dairy-based meals when we eat out on the weekends.

I know there are lactase tablets I can take before consuming dairy products to help with digestion. I’m too afraid to try them, though, because they may not work.

While this journey has been challenging, it has taught me to be more inclusive and mindful of others’ dietary restrictions when planning gatherings. It has also helped me become more open to trying new foods. There are pros and cons to every situation. You just have to find the positive.