- My husband and I often travel in a small camper van together.
- To ensure we don’t fight, we’ve had to adjust our lives.
- We try to give each other space, stay positive, and meet other people when we can.
In the mid-70s, my then-boyfriend Barry and I tested our commitment to each other by exploring Britain’s national parks and villages in a used campervan for three months.
The countryside was wild and spectacular, but that spring was especially wet, and we spent many hours cooped up in tight quarters. Still, we survived, and I’m happy to report we passed the test.
That was our first attempt to live together in a cramped space, but certainly not our last. Since then, we’ve also spent two weeks on a 25-foot sailboat and slept on a futon for a few weeks in my former office when we were between homes.
But our longest success story has been squeezing ourselves into the 16-foot campervan we’ve owned for the last 23 years, which we use to explore northern California and southern Oregon during the warmer months of the year.
A campervan is a little brother to an RV: 16 feet long compared to twice that length or more in a motorhome. It also comes with none of the amenities found in RVs. There’s no toilet, shower, or free-standing bed. Our loveseat-length bench doubles as a bed, which means we unfold it, make the bed at night, and reverse the process in the morning.
Living in cramped quarters like our van can definitely challenge our relationship, but we’ve learned to make it work. Here’s how.
We give each other space
While Barry and I enjoy each other’s company, we also each thrive on alone time. To create this, we’ve had to figure out how to spend time apart when we’re on the road.
We spend a good chunk of our daylight hours outside, walking, hiking, paddling, or cycling. We do all these things together but turn them into solo activities. So, we do them near each other but don’t necessarily interact.
Plus, I go to bed and get up earlier than he does.
We’re a good team
We each contribute to the success of a van trip and each play to our strengths.
Before leaving, Barry fills the propane and water, deflates and stores the kayak and paddleboard, puts the bikes on the rack, and stores our folding solar panels.
I plan meals, buy and store the food, and cook and wash the dishes. We take turns putting the bed down at night and away in the morning.
We limit stress
Neither of us likes to drive long distances, so usually, the most we drive on any given day is 2 1/2 hours, broken up by rest stops. We also don’t like urban traffic, so we avoid big cities whenever possible. For this reason, we usually stay near home, though there are exceptions.
I remember one long trip to Death Valley and Joshua Tree National Park. We ended up spending the night right off I-5 near a convenience store in Bakersfield, California. Exhausted from driving, Barry went to sleep early while I wandered around the foggy parking lot around 10 p.m., getting a kick out of the weird, surreal atmosphere. We each did what we needed to do to reduce our stress that night.
We also limit stress by staying organized and cleaning up after ourselves. I’m not naturally that tidy, but I know that in the van, we can’t afford to be disorganized. Mess means stress, especially for Barry. We make sure to have a place for everything and put items away when we’re done.
We are positive and appreciative
There’s no room for bickering in a van, so we make a practice of being positive and upbeat.
Barry praises my cooking, even when it’s not particularly elegant. In turn, I appreciate the way he improves the van environment by partitioning shelves, putting up hooks, and devising other ways to save space.
We reach out to other people
Connecting with others injects new energy into our relationship. Our van is a great icebreaker, leading to many enjoyable conversations with fellow road warriors. People often admire our van and ask if we’d mind showing them the interior.
Wherever we’re parked, I wander around, notice license plates, and strike up conversations with people. On trails, we chat with others and sometimes invite them back for a cup of tea.
We remember what brought us out
For us, the whole point of owning a van is to experience natural beauty and sleep with the door open to the outdoors. There’s nothing like hiking or paddling during the day, watching the stars at night, and falling asleep to the sound of a flowing river or the surf.
While our van is indeed a small space, the flip side of “cramped” is “cozy.” There’s nothing as intimate as sitting opposite each other in the evening and having a glass of wine as we mull over the day. Our van is our safe space, and whatever compromises we need to make to keep it that way are absolutely worth it.
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