- When my wife and I started having kids, I quit my job as a teacher.
- Since my wife is the breadwinner, I’m the stay-at-home dad.
- Some people think that makes me “less manly,” but I don’t regret anything.
My wife is an OBGYN, and when I first met her, she was making significantly more than me each year.
I was an elementary school teacher then and would do my best to help children learn important things — such as reading and respecting others.
When we started our family, my wife and I debated who would stay home and raise the babies. I was the obvious choice. For starters, we didn’t want to put the kids in day care. Plus, I had experience working with children, and — maybe most importantly — my wife made much more money than I did.
Considering we would lose one income, it only made sense to lose mine. After all, elementary school teachers aren’t known for making big bucks. Childcare would have cost almost what I was earning.
At the end of the day, I quit my job and became Mr. Mom.
It was difficult for me to leave my job behind
I was the only male elementary school teacher in my school district, and I felt I had established solid relationships with all my students. A few of them did not have a father figure at home, so being viewed as a male role model was something that I took to heart.
Knowing that I was hanging up my teaching badge tugged on my emotions. Not only was I not going to have a new group of students entering my classroom in August, but I was not going to see all of my old students in the hallways anymore. For many of them, I knew this was the last time I would probably ever see them.
But sometimes, life hands you new responsibilities, and I knew it was time for something new.
It wasn’t always easy. When Ellie, our oldest, was born, she weighed only seven pounds. At the time, I had a passion for strength training and weighed about 230 pounds. Honestly, I was worried about breaking her or hurting her.
I don’t know how all babies don’t get a broken neck in the first few months. Their heads act almost like anchors for the rest of their bodies. Their (lack of) muscles can’t support the bowling ball head growing out of their necks. I’m sure I could be heard talking in my sleep every night, shouting, “Support the neck!”
In addition to the fear, I experienced things (many of them gross) that I had never had before — even as an elementary school teacher. For example, I’ve been pooped and vomited on by two babies at once — multiple times now.
I’ve also lost contact with most of my friends because I’m busy day and night. I learned that raising babies essentially takes you out of the game of life for a few years.
But there were magical moments, too. I held my breath as they tried to take their first steps and cried with them as they failed repeatedly. When I brought one of them to preschool for the first time, I cried as the teacher had to pull him off from around my neck.
These memories from being a stay-at-home dad will be the memories at the forefront of my mind for the rest of my life.
Despite the misconceptions, being a stay-at-home dad has been worth it
Unfortunately, even in society today, men staying home and raising their children are viewed differently than women staying home instead.
I know some people consider me “less manly” for staying home with the kids. I also know some people think of me as a “freeloader” because my wife is the breadwinner. I’d be lying if I told you those comments didn’t bother me.
They’re not true, and you would never think those things about a stay-at-home mom. It can get frustrating.
But I wouldn’t exchange this time with my kids for anything. I would do all of this again without a doubt.
Since I am an older first-time father, I realize I am not guaranteed to spend quality time with the kids as they get older. By the time they are in their 20s, I will be getting into my 70s. Being Mr. Mom and taking on this role reversal allows me more time with my kids.
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