Despite its cheeky title, Sabrina Carpenter’s new album “Short n’ Sweet” arrived on Friday with a tall order to fill.
Carpenter’s sixth album was preceded by smash hits “Espresso” and “Please Please Please,” which peaked at No. 2 and No. 1 on the Billboard Hot 100, respectively, and dominated the annual contest for song of the summer. But “Short n’ Sweet” isn’t just Carpenter’s most anticipated release to date. It’s the best, most idiosyncratic work of her career.
Carpenter literally stands at 5 feet, as she clarifies in the album’s opening track, but the title isn’t simply derived from her Polly Pocket likeness. It also refers to important relationships she’s recently weathered, whose brief durations belie the emotional wreckage they caused — what Gen Z might describe as a “situationship.”
“I thought about some of these relationships and how some of them were the shortest I’ve ever had, and they affected me the most,” she told Apple Music’s Zane Lowe.
Indeed, throughout “Short n’ Sweet,” Carpenter isn’t coy about the vulgar, demoralizing underbelly of modern dating. And yet, she renders it bearable — even better, fun! — with her enduring sense of humor. Sometimes, as the kids say, you just have to laugh.
Smartly released as the second single, “Please Please Please” offers the closest thing Carpenter has to a thesis: “Heartbreak is one thing, my ego’s another / I beg you don’t embarrass me, motherfucker.”
It’s a masterful indictment of the information age: Now that everyone’s online, everyone has an opinion, and social-media stalking is a national pastime. Falling in love has always been scary for personal reasons, but now, it also comes with a social risk. Every partner that makes it to “Instagram official” status becomes a potential liability — or, for someone of Carpenter’s stature, a scandal.
Album highlights “Taste” and “Coincidence” both skewer a man who swore he was over his ex, just for Carpenter to see photos of them online, like, two seconds after he left — a classic tale of digital courtship. In the latter, Carpenter reveals the ex in question was texting the guy dirty photos while he and Carpenter were still together. (The nerve!)
“What a surprise, your phone just died / Your car drove itself from LA to her thighs,” she teases in the bridge of “Coincidence,” a couplet that might send a Laurel Canyon-era lyricist into cardiac arrest.
The album is peppered with sly winks like these, blending lust and absurdity and the sting of rejection with impressive finesse. “Dumb & Poetic” paints an all-too-familiar portrait of a male manipulator, the kind of guy who would insist “Fight Club” is the best movie ever made (without actually grasping its themes) and, in Carpenter’s words, “jack off to lyrics by Leonard Cohen.” Another playful standout, “Slim Pickins,” is Carrie Bradshaw by way of Dolly Parton, lamenting “all the douchebags in my phone” while low-key enjoying the drama.
Meanwhile, “Good Graces” and “Bed Chem” recall the horny R&B-pop stylings of Ariana Grande — Carpenter’s true forebear, despite her recent association with Taylor Swift. Grande’s 2019 opus “Thank U, Next” was a similar kind of snapshot, capturing a very particular moment in Grande’s life and in pop culture, its tracklist stuffed with text-speak and shoutouts to trendy brands.
These kinds of modern touchpoints can easily come off as cringy or corny, especially in pop music, which already leans toward corn. (Even the ever-dedicated Swifties have balked at their idol’s use of slang words and phrases in her songs, like “Hits Different” and “Down Bad.”) But Carpenter uses them to build the very bedrock of her storytelling. “Short n’ Sweet” is an album grounded firmly, almost defiantly, in the present day — all the struggles and ridiculous ills of dating app-era romance, which, despite the disappointment, usually make for great wine-night fodder.
Against all odds, her approach pays off. It even feels relatable. Carpenter may be a classic blonde bombshell with the voice of an angel, recounting her mishaps for millions of fans, but she doesn’t play it like she’s superior to those of us listening. It often feels like she’s onstage, glancing into the crowd and rolling her eyes, like, “Can you believe this guy?” My takeaway: No, girl, I can’t.
Final grade: 8.8/10
Worth listening to: “Taste,” “Please Please Please,” “Sharpest Tool,” “Coincidence,” “Bed Chem,” “Espresso,” “Dumb & Poetic,” “Skim Pickins,” “Juno,” “Lie to Girls”
Background music: “Good Graces”
Press skip: “Don’t Smile”
*Final album score based on songs per category (1 point for “Worth listening to,” .5 for “Background music,” 0 for “Press skip”).
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