When my husband returned to work after being a stay-at-home dad for 5 years, we made 4 changes to balance time and money

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• My husband returned to work full time when our youngest child started kindergarten.
• We’re learning how to balance time and money to ensure our family has flexibility and low stress.
• This article is part of “Milestone Moments,” a series about financial planning for major life events.

I never anticipated having a stay-at-home spouse.

When I got married, I was a newspaper reporter, and my husband worked in security. He made more, so when our daughter was born, I quit my job to pursue freelance writing so we could save on childcare costs. My goal was to cover our $1,200 rent — and even that seemed lofty. 

Luckily, my career took off. When I was pregnant with our second child four years later, I was making about $70,000, which was about 50% more than my husband. When he unexpectedly lost his job during my pregnancy, I knew I couldn’t handle the stress of him taking a new job with little or no time off when the baby was born.

We decided to take a financial risk and have him stay home with our girls while I minimized my maternity leave. 

My husband stayed home until our baby was in kindergarten

That might sound incredibly stressful, but it was immediately calming. My mental health, which hadn’t been great after my oldest’s birth, soared, and so did my career. I felt confident in my role as the family’s breadwinner, and I loved watching the girls and their dad bond in a way they hadn’t when he was working long hours. 

It worked so well that my husband stayed home until my youngest was in kindergarten — about five years. During that time, he worked one winter but was primarily in charge of the kids. We split housework 50/50, and I still did most of the cooking, but I could count on him to do more of the labor that goes into running a home, like grocery shopping, cleaning, or bringing the girls to the doctor.

I loved this situation, but it was never my husband’s dream, and he was eager to get back to work. While he was a stay-at-home dad, he had completely remodeled our home, which we bought as a neglected foreclosure. That gave him the confidence to open a contracting business, doing small home-improvement jobs. 

Since my husband is also self-employed now, we have a lot of control over our schedules. In the 18 months since he returned to work, we’ve been intentional about trying to create a work-life balance that feels fulfilling to both of us. Here’s how we do it:

1. We talk about what’s going well and what isn’t

As my husband started to consider working again outside the home, we talked a lot about what we had enjoyed over the past five years — and what we hadn’t.

Although my husband loved being with the kids, he sometimes felt bored. Meanwhile, I’d felt a weight off my shoulders knowing I had a true partner in home and childcare, but I also felt pressure being the only one earning money. Knowing that I was solely responsible for paying for the mortgage meant I was always searching for more freelance work in case one of my clients lightened my workload.

The essentials like home, food, and health insurance took most of our budget, so our ability to save was limited. I was saving $500 a month for retirement, and I knew I wanted to increase that amount. We had racked up credit-card debt from emergencies and home repairs. 

More than anything, we valued having lower stress levels and flexible schedules. Those became our guiding principles. Laying them out helped us envision what balance might look like for our family and gave us a goal to work toward. 

2. We work together to balance time and money 

Recently, my husband took on a lucrative subcontracting role that also meant working long hours. My mind flashed back to his old security jobs, when I would sometimes get the kids up by myself, have them all day, and put them to bed before Dad came home. 

I shared this concern and listened to his desire to take advantage of this contract while it lasted. Ultimately, we were able to come to a compromise: He works about three long days a week while maintaining shorter days during which he can be more actively involved at home. 

3. We focus on saving and avoid lifestyle inflation

Our combined income this year will be over $150,000 — more than double what it was when my husband started staying home. I still make about twice what he does. Since we know we can make ends meet on just my income, we try to earmark my husband’s income for savings and paying off debt. I use budgeting software to allocate money to certain expenses since we’re both self-employed and have unpredictable pay schedules. 

This year, we’ve paid off our credit cards and a student loan of mine. I increased my retirement savings and my husband opened a retirement account. Next year, we’ll aim to save 10% of our income for retirement.

We’re slowly saving for bigger-ticket items, like an expanded back deck. With our higher household income, we could afford those now, but we want to stay disciplined about saving money. 

4. We outsource with paid and unpaid help

Part of balancing time and money is outsourcing, and we rely on paid and unpaid help. I’m the parent who always asks other families to carpool to sports practices. Since we live in a rural area, driving consumes a ton of time. Sharing the load creates more time and has fostered friendships for kids and adults. 

We also use paid help. Recently, we were at an impasse over whether a cleaner was “worth it.” I was in favor of the cleaner and expressed that I’m just not willing to spend my limited weekend time scrubbing or fit it in while working from home. My husband said he was willing to put in the elbow grease. He argued that at $400 for the initial deep clean, he’d have to work a long day just to pay the cleaner. I respected his offer and agreed to hold off on hiring a cleaner. Before long, he realized that paying a cleaner was money well spent to free up family time.

Having a stay-at-home spouse was fantastic for me personally and professionally, especially while the kids were young. But now I feel a lot of joy in seeing my husband’s career flourish after being on the back burner. As long as we can keep communicating and stay true to our family values of low stress and flexibility, I’m confident we can be just as happy as two working parents.