- Hazel Secco, 33, became a millionaire when she was 28.
- Still, she had to process the financial trauma that had been passed through her family.
- She wants her two daughters to break a family cycle and find joy in spending.
This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Hazel Secco, founder of Align Financial Solutions. It has been edited for length and clarity.
I can trace my attitudes about money back two generations. My grandmother grew up in Korea during the war generation. She passed her anxieties about money on to my mother. My dad was a gambling addict, which left my mom as the breadwinner for the entire extended family.
My mom felt immense tension around money. I was the only daughter, so I often bore the brunt of her anxiety, which showed up as anger. This isn’t a negative judgment of my mom; I understand how her circumstances led to her attitude about money. Yet, over time, I internalized her anger and started feeling like a burden to my family any time I needed anything.
Even when I immigrated to the US, I couldn’t leave my family’s money trauma behind. I knew well before I became a mom that I didn’t want to pass on the lessons I’d learned about money.
Calling myself a millionaire still feels very strange
Through careful savings, planning, and good real estate moves, I was a millionaire by the time I turned 28. Saying that publicly still feels very uncomfortable to me, though. I don’t want to put myself in a specific category, and being a millionaire doesn’t define me. It just doesn’t feel relevant.
What matters far more to me is how I think about money. Even after I started building wealth, I was terrified I would lose it all. Now, I’ve worked hard to learn to enjoy life, including spending, which matters more to me than any label like “millionaire.”
I’ve focused on money as a tool for joy
Even once I had substantial financial resources, I still felt guilty about spending. I needed a new desk, but I was angry at the idea of spending.
I challenged myself to step back when I’m feeling emotional about money. I journal to try to retrain my mind around spending. I challenge myself to treat myself the way I want people to treat my daughters and to embrace the lessons I want them to learn.
It’s working. I used to judge myself very harshly for spending. Now, I focus on the value of the things I’m spending on. For example, my biggest purchase to date is my house, just a subway ride outside Manhattan. Living here, my family has access to great restaurants and cultural experiences. Getting there was easy when my daughter needed to see a specialist doctor.
When I focus on mindful purchasing, spending becomes a positive, happy choice that creates meaningful memories and brings joy to those I care about. The ability to make these choices, enrich our lives, and give our kids joyful experiences feels like our greatest privilege as a family.
I want my daughters to know money is a tool for enjoying life
My girls are only 1 and 3, but I’m already thinking a lot about how I’ll teach them about money. I’ve been thinking about it since before they were born because I wanted to break my family’s cycle of passing generational money trauma.
I already speak with my older daughter about value. If we’re in a store and she’s asking for everything, I tell her to choose just one item. If something is overpriced, I tell her that I can find it cheaper elsewhere. When I say that, I always follow through — I want her to know I’ll be truthful about money.
I want the girls to understand that money can give freedom, options, and joy. As I teach them that, I’m learning it on a deeper level myself.
I’m enjoying a family vacation without guilt for the first time
My husband and I are taking the girls to Disney for the first time this fall. I’m beyond excited. I never had that type of family experience growing up, and it’s going to be so beautiful watching them enjoy it.
Building wealth has allowed me to afford this experience, but processing my trauma around money is what lets me really enjoy it. It still amazes me that I can plan a vacation like this without any anger, resentment, or guilt over spending.
Having money is one thing, but being able to utilize it without guilt or shame is even more important to me.
Read the full article here
