As a stylist for regular people, I get lots of clients who are caught in a trap created by the fashion industry. The “regular” people — those who aren’t wealthy or famous — try so hard to understand the rules of what’s stylish, usually set by celebrities and fashion houses. But as soon as normal people grasp a rule, the rules change again.
People end up feeling like they’re on a treadmill, constantly running toward the goal of being stylish but never actually getting anywhere. Conveniently for our capitalist society, this also keeps people constantly purchasing new clothes to try to get closer to the arbitrary idea of fashion.
I take a very different approach. I define style as the expression of your preferences and creativity through your clothes. It boils down to a simple question: do you like it, or do you not?
That sounds simple, but adopting that definition of fashion often means learning new skills, and addressing a lifetime of discomfort or even trauma around clothing. Ready to change your relationship with clothing? These four questions can help you get started.
What do you like?
This question is so simple. And yet, people rarely ask themselves what clothing they like (and what they dislike). We’re not taught to do this when it comes to our clothes. Instead, we’re taught to look for what’s on trend.
I use a restaurant analogy. When you choose from a menu, you’re thinking about your specific tastes, limitations, and likes. You don’t select the same meal that everyone else is eating — if you did, you’d probably be disappointed! Yet, too often, that’s exactly how we approach fashion.
What do you want to say about yourself?
Clothes are communication. They send a message to you, and to those around you. So, what do you want to say about yourself?
The answer to that question can be long-winded — no one can encapsulate their style in just a few words. The most important thing is that you’re true to yourself. If you wear clothes that aren’t affirming of who you are, it’s like opening your mouth to speak but hearing the wrong voice come out.
What do you want from your clothes that you’re not getting?
Most people who come to me have a problem with their current clothes. Sometimes, the problem is very concrete: their body, gender, or job has changed, and the clothes no longer fit.
More often, something just doesn’t feel right. For example, people will tell me they want to feel more polished but then say they feel like a kid playing dress-up in more adult outfits.
Consider why that is and what exactly isn’t right about your outfits. Often, clients need to blend their personalities into the styles they perceive as adult or professional.
Why do you want to get rid of these clothes?
Many clients have a binge-purge relationship with clothes and shopping. They decide to clean out their closets, but then they feel they have nothing to wear and panic, buying more clothes.
I aim to help people break that cycle and create lasting relationships with all their clothes. Often, you can reimagine and breathe life into items you already have without needing to buy new clothes. When there are gaps in your closet, I always recommend shopping secondhand first.
Parents should have fun and experiment with fashion
Fashion is very personal. But over time, negative comments about what we wear can break our trust in ourselves. That’s why it’s so important to let kids — especially teenagers — experiment with their clothes. It’s one of the safest ways they have to show their autonomy.
I work with people of all ages and genders, but many of my clients are moms. I hope they can connect with the fun in fashion, and model that for their kids. Don’t worry about finding clothes that shrink your body. Ditch the fear and expectation that so many people carry around fashion. Instead, experiment and show your personality through your clothing.
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