On Tuesday, Meta’s CEO revealed a gift he’d given his college sweetheart and wife of 12 years, Priscilla Chan: a 7-foot sculpture of her.
“Bringing back the Roman tradition of making sculptures of your wife,” Zuckerberg joked in the caption of an Instagram post that shows Chan, sipping from a mug, posing next to the towering turquoise-and-silver statue.
Since the couple’s wedding anniversary is in May and Chan’s birthday is in February, the gift doesn’t appear to be occasion-based.
Commenters on the Instagram post appear divided on whether the gesture — the work of NYC-based contemporary artist Daniel Arsham — is sweet or cringe-worthy.
But Isabelle Morley, a Massachusetts-based clinical psychologist who specializes in couples therapy, told Business Insider that such a lavish gift might be a red flag.
Here’s why.
Context is everything when it comes to extravagant gifts
Off the bat, Morley said expensive gifts may not hold the same weight among the uber-wealthy.
Works by Arsham go for upwards of $29,000 on some online marketplaces. Forbes reported Zuckerberg had a net worth of over $169 billion on August 15.
But no matter the size of the giver’s bank account, Morley always likes to ask: “What was the purpose of this gift?”
For those who come from less affluent backgrounds and have worked hard to be financially stable, an extravagant gift could be a way to show their progress without expecting much in return, Morley said.
“It honors what they’ve worked for and built and is a way of showcasing that and taking care of someone they love,” she said
But, Morley added, extravagant gifts can sometimes also be an attempt to manipulate the receiver or elicit a specific reaction from them.
“Some people use those gifts to repair after bad behavior or even abusive behavior, which I’m not saying the statue is, but that’s always something you’ve got to be aware of,” she added.
For people on the receiving end of a big present, Morley encourages exploring some key questions: Is it for an anniversary? Is there an expectation about how they should react?
“Was this, ‘I did something wrong, I’m going to make up for it by giving you something shiny to make you forget about it?'” she added.
In Zuckerberg’s case, Morley said the biggest red flag would be “if he commissioned this and spent God knows how much money and expected a certain reaction or response.”
Sharing such a lavish gift on social media is another potential warning sign
Some people in relationships can be quick to post and praise their spouses online, Morley said.
Zuckerberg posted a photo of the statue to Instagram, where he has 14.5 million followers — sharing the gift with a wide audience.
Morley wonders why.
“Was it really just to show his deep love and gratitude for her and who she is, and who she’s been in his life?” Morley said. “Or was it to make him look good to other people and to get a certain affectionate response from her.”
Morley said she’s particularly mindful of couples who feel “the need to show that kind of affection publicly” on highly curated social media platforms. She cited some research she’s read that suggests such displays could indicate the couples are less happy in real life.
“Was this a huge statue because Mark really wanted a huge statue? Or was this because Priscilla was like, ‘You know what? I love art. I would love a gigantic piece inspired by Roman architecture,” Morley said.
As to whether the gift is sweet or cringey, the only person whose opinion matters is Chan, Morley said.
It seems like the statue has gotten Chan’s seal of approval.
She commented on Zuckerberg’s post, “The more of me the better?” with a red heart emoji, to which her husband responded, “Always” with another red heart emoji.
“If she thinks it’s sweet, it’s sweet,” Morley said.
Read the full article here
